I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
