She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
