your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
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It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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