the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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