This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
