omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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