Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
