i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
