She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
