I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
