I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
