Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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