update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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