I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
