I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
