P.S. I can't hear my feet
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
