Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
