I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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