Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
