so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
