I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
