I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
