You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
