I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
