you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
