mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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