Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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