it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
