Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
