Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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