woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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