I just pynch a tree in the face
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
