I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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