Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
