Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
