If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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