Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
