shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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