I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
