Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
