Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
50% drunk capacity currently
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
