12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hippo gnu deer
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
