I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
