you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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