i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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