I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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