i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
