Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
