i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
smell my finger.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
why do cheetos always look like penises
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
