there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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