That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
