He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
