My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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