Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
we should paint friendship bongs
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
