i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
