A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
