I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My breasts were aching with rage.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
