Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
