I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
