Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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