nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
