yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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