No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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