I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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