SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
