Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
