You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I forget how to act sober
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
