it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
